The Silenced

A Christian’s View of Domestic Violence

The Silenced cover

 


In the solitude, I listen to the temper, from the many contained in an environment of unforgiving. I, too, stand in the congregation and see the smiles like fake news. I wonder if your joy may be camouflaged, like a father who stands on top his child’s shoes. You look so pretty dressed up in your Sunday attire; your hair is curled – “putting on the dog”, it was once called. But I watch the language of your husband as he hums along with the choir, forgetting the words. Staring over to see who you’re watching, like blinders on a horse, your eyes are only focused forward. The pastor’s last words are spoken, “Go in peace” and you’re the first out the door.

Arriving home, the bedroom door slams and his ultimate persuasiveness begins like a lecture from the pulpit. You just can’t wait until Monday morning when you hand him his lunch pail, turn your cheek, and wish him well. So you build a world where no one’s allowed…. only God and he’s on hold. Looking for an escape to the abuse that never takes a break, your world has caved. Tied to your apron strings, dinner is on the table. You begin to recite grace but it does no good.

 

Psalm 11:5
The Lord tests the righteous, but his soul hates the wicked and the one who loves violence.

 

The week begins just like the last week ends….accusations and demands that come from malice. He’s his father’s son. Only his mother knows the hell she put up with when he was very young. Like the family farm, the recipe is passed on. The abuse becomes intolerable, love becomes a routine, and romance is the world you built deep within your mind. There’s no peace on the outside as Dr. Jekyll thrives. You tiptoe like a child that comes in after curfew.

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Domestic violence comes in many shapes, not necessarily gender oriented or form. I, too, share the pain as many on the outside never saw the trauma I lived with at home. Giving your suffering to God is the only way out! Living with scars of a broken home resonates for generations, both past and present.

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I read the clips of those I know are mistreated by their family and peers. Where has God gone when the choir begins? Your sacraments of holiness are never enough. Being judged under the dirty microscope shows every blemish. Who, though, are we to make that call just because that’s way it used to be. You become a person with little left for God to see. You’re whittled to the size of a toothpick and now pray for a mustard seed.

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But as the sun breaks through upon your escape, you will discover there is another world….one of love and beauty. God anoints the living. You call it “a lease on life” – getting out of the web Satan held you captive in for many years. Yes, this is the works of Satan and his angels!

 

Remember you’re not alone! Reach out to the non-judgmental and let our almighty Lord renew you from the inside out. Praise God that He has saved you and serve others in His name. God’s desire for those involved with domestic violence—both victims and abusers—is healing and wholeness.

You are loved! God bless, God speed…….

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A Christian’s View of Domestic Violence

 

Why would God allow such a thing to happen to me?? Does God really love me?? Where was He when I was being abused? Why God, can’t you help me to change him/her?? I’m a Christian – I can’t leave!

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All are justifiable questions that “the abused” do ask. Understand that abusers have unresolved issues that have led them to violence, perhaps routing back to childhood. If an abuser is willing to admit his or her wrongful deeds and desires help, there is hope. But it is important to know that the vast majority of them do not feel the problem is within themselves. Marriage counseling is not an appropriate solution. So healing has to begin with YOU!

 

1 Corinthians 7:15

But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace.

 

Undergo individual counseling, especially Christian counseling, to go through the healing process. If children are involved, family therapy. Children should never be put into an abusive situation or be expected to remain in one! Watching or hearing a parent being abused will have severe psychological implications. They learn by example so let them witness you taking the lead.

Psalm 127:3

“Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him.”

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Join a support group with other survivors. “Outsiders”, cannot understand the web you broke through so look for love and comfort from those who can identify with your situation.

 

Allow time to heal before starting another relationship. The magic formula is half the time you spent within the walls of that confinement.

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Read anything and everything you can about domestic violence – particularly books of narcissism. Seek understanding.

 

 

Serve our Lord! Join bible study groups at church; if financial means allow, take a mission trip; help the poor by participating in homeless shelters; sit with Seniors at nursing homes. You will find your worth, once again, in others.

Matthew 20: 26-28

Jesus told His disciples, “Whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave—just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many”

 

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Local police stations can take you and your children to a shelter for assistance. Safety is first!

Psalm 72:14
From oppression and violence he redeems their life, and precious is their blood in his sight.

 

 

Empty Memories

Not even the scrapbook recalls the love ….. turmoil of emotional child abuse


emotional abuse 2In the quiet evening, your mind strays to younger days. Nestled in the love seat, you think about the lonely life that has lead you down the paths of disillusion. There in the confusion, disconnection is a way of life. Heart wrenching, love was in limited supply; not much to go around and rationed like a commodity. It was not associated with warmth but instead, related to the flowers or gardens.

You would sit in your room and play by yourself. Looking out the window, your mother is in her polka dotted blouse, dark slacks, and her garden gloves. She loves her tomatoes and corn on the cob. You just watched …. sitting inside. She never knew the love you desired or saw devotion because it was all about money – how much dad could bring home. You were too young to understand but you knew that love wasn’t suppose look like that. Looking back, you never heard, “I love you”, as you went off to school or while saying your prayers at my bedside.

Animosity seemed to rule the roost. You listened to your friends as they shared their stories on the way to school. They went out over the weekend and as you knocked on their door, you knew they would not be home.

You would have given anything for your parents to include you in their plans. But to throw a ball or enroll you in a curriculum outside of the classroom wasn’t going to happen. Sadly, you would come home and play while most of your friends played at the beach. Softball was the sport.

Yes, it’s sad as those from broken homes look back. You swore you would never do that to your own children. Now those days are long gone too and all that’s left are voids. Not even the scrapbook recalls the love ….. just tarnished empty pages. The snapshots are faded memories you just as soon forget.

For now, life is all but over; the mid-drift spreads and the hair turns gray. Thoughts are all that’s left, like trash to be thrown away. And here you sit as life goes on.

 


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Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. (Psalm 127:3)

Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged. (Colossians 3:21)

Whoever troubles his own household will inherit the wind, and the fool will be servant to the wise of heart. (Proverbs 11:29)

Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” (Hebrews 13:5)

 

child abuse ribbon


 

Editor’s Notes:

Signs of Emotional Child Abuse:

 

  • Not showing affection.
  • Ignoring the child’s presence and obvious needs.
  • Ignoring the child when he or she is in need of comfort.
  • Not calling the child by his or her name.
  • Making the child feel unwanted, perhaps by stating or implying that life would be easier without the child. For example, a parent may tell a child, “I wish you were never born.”
  • Ridiculing or belittling the child, such as saying, “You are stupid.”
  • Threatening the child with harsh punishment or even death.
  • Continuous verbal abuse.
  • Comparing the child to siblings or peers.
  • Blaming the child for family problems.

 

Ignoring children’s needs, putting them in unsupervised, dangerous situations, or making a child feel worthless or stupid is child abuse. The result is serious emotional harm. But there is help available!

Parental Alienation Awareness Organization: http://www.paawareness.com

Prevent Child Abuse America: 1-800-CHILDREN or preventchildabuse.org
http://www.preventchildabuse.org/images/docs/emotionalchildabuse.pdf

 

emotional abuse

 

 

Almighty Child

Children that perceive such miraculous perception ought to flatter themselves in Holy water. Parent abuse is common….

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The word spread and men came bearing gifts. Animals grazed out in the meadows…. we all know the story. A child was born by miraculous conception. There is no other miracle greater than a child that two parents have been blessed with from God. Ah, yes. But most of us have experienced the blessing of your child’s birth. Then our kids grow up and they have the misconception they can do no wrong …

Too many times, I find friends being scolded by their children. It’s as if the child inherited permission from their grandparents. I sat outside in a refreshing breeze last night and listened to how an adolescent can run their lives better than their parents. Though some have never had the pleasure of bearing a child, the Almighty Child can do no wrong. A legend in their own mind, they believe you won’t find fault with their lifestyle. They wander unto this world having more knowledge and skill than those twice their age.

I believe we have created a new class of people – not rich, nor poor – but the self- righteous. They are perfect but only in a mirror, maybe. I hear the sins of these children that proclaim their innocence. Oh, don’t you wish you could return to the righteousness of youth where you could be as perfect as the children are today??

Telling parents all their faults they have made, it’s as if when they achieve enough demerits they will disown their parents. Somebody needs to shake them and remind them that wisdom comes from failures. If parents were as perfect as Christ, there would be no need to reluctantly remind them how irrelevant they are. When someone passes away, the child waits for handouts!

I remember my dad always said, “Those who live in glass houses ought not pitch the first stone”. I believe he was smarter than me. Children that perceive such miraculous perception ought to flatter themselves in Holy water.

The Ten Commandments are written in stone and now you know why. Children, today, will pay for their raising opinions. It’s as if you haven’t witnessed that rodeo played out before. Oh the roulette wheel your children spin. They gamble their life and all you can do is pray for them.

I wonder how many kids ever took the time to understand the Bible? I pray… not for them but for the parents that have been so badly damaged by their children’s immaculate conception of the philosophical washing – not by holy water but by the storm drains of the world.

 


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And they shall say to the elders of his city, ‘This our son is stubborn and rebellious; he will not obey our voice; he is a glutton and a drunkard.’ Then all the men of the city shall stone him to death with stones. So you shall purge the evil from your midst, and all Israel shall hear, and fear. (Deuteronomy 21:20-21)

Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him. (Proverbs 13:24)

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. (Ephesians 6:4)

Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you strike him with a rod, he will not die. If you strike him with the rod, you will save his soul from Sheol. (Proverbs 23:13-14)

Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you. (Exodus 20:12)


 

Editor’s Notes:  Verbal abuse towards parents or other family members by young people is more common than many people think. It is an attempt to control and have power over you or others in the home.  It can happen in families of any culture, religion or situation in life.

Abuse can be a sign of:

  • The children hasn’t learned to control or manage feelings, especially anger. They act out their feelings without using any self-control.
  • The child hasn’t learned to deal with the stresses of life, to solve problems or cooperate.
  • They don’t value or respect other people.
  • They see a parent, often the mother, as weak and powerless.
  • The children are affected by alcohol or drugs. Some drugs can trigger psychosis (being out of touch with the real world) and violence.
  • A young person might act aggressively if they have problems with their mental health.
  • They may be anxious and lash out because they start to think they can’t trust those around them.

Whatever the reason, it doesn’t mean you should put up with it. It is important to get professional help! Many parents find that acting early helps them feel like the parent again. When you do make changes, things seem to get harder before they get better, so make sure you have support. It is important to:

  • Believe in yourself – it isn’t your fault and it doesn’t mean you are a bad parent
  • Learn to remain calm and find ways to deal with stress. Go for walks, have coffee with a friend or do other things that relax you.
  • Build your confidence by patting yourself on the back for each small step you take
  • Talk with someone who can help. Your doctor is a good place to start.
  • Join a group with other parents who are dealing with this too.

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